Hey! Okay so this is happening, my first ever blog post! Ahhh. I am so excited to start this journey with you in seeing what God is revealing and teaching us. I thought what better place to start than sharing with you a bit of my testimony! So here is a spoken word called: Found.
The church is meant to be a place of refuge, but for me it felt more like a prison cell. I was a pastor’s kid (shout out to all the PKs reading!), which meant I was known, I was seen, but what they couldn’t see was the real me. They saw only what I allowed them to see. Yeah, there were loads of people to speak to – to lie to. Loads of people to listen – to judge me. It was like I was wearing a mask, like I constantly had to hide and pretend that everything was fine. I knew all the answers; Special Treasure (Deuteronomy 7); Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Psalm 139) but they were just words on a page. They were JUST words. I couldn’t see beyond them. Although I knew them in my head, I couldn’t connect them to my heart. I couldn’t believe that when God said His chosen people, that included me. I couldn’t believe that in all the pages He wanted to speak to me.
- BTW that means he is also speaking to YOU.
I was so tired of pretending and the world looked a lot more satisfying. So, I left.
It was fun for a while, until… it wasn’t. Until the world’s voice became so loud it drowned out every bit of confidence I had left in myself. It drained everything that was left of me. Gone. And all that I had left, was my mask. And instead of hearing that I was a masterpiece I was now hearing that I was a mistake. I was so broken and so alone. But then an old friend turned up out of the blue, she introduced me back into a church community, in the form of a Christian Union. It was a place where for the first time, in a long time, I felt safe. God led me into a place where step by step I learned who I was, I learned to see my value and to trust Him. Because although I left, He kept searching until I was found. God never stopped calling me, He never stopped loving me. I started to read the truth and to believe it! Wow – I can’t begin to explain the Joy in knowing that God is smiling down on you.
Truth springs up from the earth, and righteousness smiles down from heaven.
- Psalm 85 v 11
This is why I became a youth worker. I wanted to see every person as an individual. Every person is on a journey and in their own unique place with their relationship with God. I want to be someone that doesn’t just categorise people but identifies them and instead of just accepting people as surviving, helping them to thrive! So, maybe some of you can really relate to my story. Some of you have come out of that place (Yay!) but there also may be some of you reading today who are totally in that place still and are ready to give up. I have put together just a few tips on things I wish I knew, back when I was where you are now:
Talk to someone. This is terrifying, but why don’t you just try doing what I wasn’t brave enough to do and pull that mask down, just to one person. Someone that you can trust; who will be able to help you read the bible and help you learn to listen to God’s voice above the world’s call. Maybe your pastor, a youth worker or small group leader?
You are not alone! I can promise you that you know someone who is going through a similar struggle to you. There might even be someone that you can help by asking a tough question. I wonder how many other people around you need the answer to the same question, but need someone like you to ask it for them?
If you are similar to me, there are some bible verses that stand out to you more than the rest, that you remember. Find them in the bible (you can just search it on google!) and speak it over yourself daily. You could write it on your mirror or print it out and stick it somewhere, where you will see it regularly. This one is so key because words are powerful. Even through my struggles, I remembered a scripture my mum used to make me repeat as a child ‘God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind’ (2 Timothy 1). I wish I had done more than just remember it. There is something so powerful about claiming it over yourself, even when you don’t believe it.
And if you are out of that place but know or even think someone you know is in it, help them out by speaking the truth over them. Pray for them, print out a bible verse for them, text them! They will probably resist, I definitely did, but they won’t forget, and you may be the light that they need in the darkness they are in.
Thank you so much for reading and remember that God loves you, you are a masterpiece created perfectly, you are more precious than rubies. I would love to hear your feedback and comments and if you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to contact me - we can encourage one another.