• Mary

Joyfully Single (Pt.1)

Cinderella: A beautiful girl, tragically lost. Used and abused. No hope until the man came along, Prince Charming swept her away and she was finally seen. Why was she not seen before?

Wonder Woman: Powerful. Strong. Intelligent. Yet she needed a guy in her narrative. She wasn’t able to complete the task alone. Again, why wasn’t she enough?

These are just two examples of how we are surrounded by narratives revolving around the need to find ‘the one’. Social media, films, tv shows, magazines, even church can make you feel ‘less than’ just because you are single. Like we are missing something. I am writing today, to stamp out this lie that you need a romantic relationship to be complete!

Actually, I think our culture has a real problem of comparison and judgement. Not just for those who are single. It seems that every stage of life is judged. When you are in a relationship you feel pressured to get engaged then married, when you are married people start asking ‘so when are you going to have kids?’.

We compare ourselves to other people’s standards but we need to start choosing to be comfortable and happy with where we are right at this moment, because as long as you have been listening and trusting God then your relationship status is perfect just as it is. God’s plan for you is perfect. In fact, if you were in any other position you would be missing out on what God has in store for you in this moment. Even though it goes against everything the world will try to tell you, you can be joyfully single.

There are a few things I want to discuss about the way we approach conversations over being single. Let’s start with the term thrown around in church called ‘singleness’. Ew. I have a really strong negative feeling about this particular word. It makes being single sound like a condition or something you caught that you need to find a cure for. Like a problem. Have you ever heard anyone saying ‘I’m so sorry you are going through this time of engagement, don’t worry it will be over soon’ or ‘Oh you’re married. That’s ok, its just for the time being, you will be grateful for it when it’s over’? Of course not! So why do we say this to people who are single?

That’s not what the bible says! The bible shows many examples of unmarried people (Ahem. Jesus.) and how actually it is a gift, just like marriage is a gift. We need people around us, we were created for relationship. Women were created so that man could have someone to stand with him. But that doesn’t always have to mean marriage.

Next week I am going to carry on this conversation and am going to post some of the different comments I have heard, being single.

I am not broken, I am not less happy or somehow incomplete because I’m single!

It’s time people stop seeing me (and yourself and single people in your life) in that way. It’s time people start seeing me as just a girl who yes, would love to be married but who care’s more about how God sees her and who has a life NOW which is full of joy and excitement and love.

It’s time we change the way we speak about being single.

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